in a dream that couldn't come true
by Huinari
Summary: After Corrin chooses Nohr over Hoshido, Takumi asks Azura to marry him. Azura says no.


Hoshido was called the kingdom of light, and yet the atmosphere was dark enough to rival Nohr right now. Undoubtedly it would stay so for a long time.

Azura could not blame Hoshido for such a downcast mood. Their beloved queen had been killed, their long-lost princess had been found alive and healthy only to choose Nohr over Hoshido, and they were now at war. True, full-out war, not the one at pause due to a magic barrier.

Kamui – no, Corrin had been exactly what she expected the princess to be. Kind, beautiful, curious, polite, easily lovable.

But she had also been so much more than the child from the stories shared, and when she chose Nohr over Hoshido Azura thought she could understand. Corrin had loved Nohr, loved that kingdom like Azura had grown to love Hoshido. Perhaps she might never understand how such a dark kingdom was a place worthy of love, but she could understand Corrin's reasoning, and the determination required to take the leap. When she made her choice, she did so knowing that with the truth out, her life back in Nohr could never be as it had been.

In the same situation Azura didn't know if she could do the same. She wasn't nearly as brave as Corrin.

But Azura was not the one who made the choice, and now the kingdoms were at war, a wound years old split further open and exacerbated, worsening relations that had never been good to begin with.

And with it came a violent storm of emotions by everyone wanting someone to blame. Nohr, obviously, but a good figure to point that blame dared to live in the castle with their princes and princesses, their object of hate given flesh and blood.

Unable to say that her blood was not that of Nohr's, and knowing it wouldn't matter to them, really, Azura suffered silently. Ryoma and the others were grieving and scrambling to protect Hoshido. They could not spare her attention and she could not burden them by demanding it.

She spent most of her time in her rooms, doing her best to stay out of the way. After the funeral, made brief for the circumstances, the once-serene castle was tense and busy as the kingdom prepared for war. More people were in armor, and smiles had become rare.

No matter what she did she would be met with criticism and suspicion so she stayed in self-imposes exile.

It came as a surprise to her when Takumi visited her room, a month after the funeral.

"I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer you," she said in slight embarrassment as she set a cup of water in front of him. But then again, Hoshido was at war, so perhaps it was for the best?

Azura hadn't seen Takumi since the end of the funeral, and he, like so many others, like Azura herself, had been devastated. Sakura had been holding onto Azura's arm as she wept, and the young princess had been the only thing keeping her safe. Ryoma might have appeared solemn and stern, but Azura had seen his eyes, flickering with the light of uncertainty at the loss of his mother. Hinoka had been filled with equal parts grief and rage, frustration at everything making her nearly shake.

And Takumi had been gaunt, eyes deep with exhaustion and sorrow, like sleep had evaded him with extreme prejudice.

He still looked exhausted, and there was darkness below his eyes, and stress lining his face. His clothes were simple but immaculate, likely thanks to his retainer, but clean appearances couldn't hide the obvious effects left by a lack of sleep. He clearly wasn't getting enough sleep, but she didn't - couldn't - voice her concerns. The last time she had seen him might have been at the funeral, but the last words he had spoken to her had been harsh, rejecting her and denying any right she had to be concerned for him.

"What can I help you with?" Azura asked instead. She did want to help with anything she could, truly. Perhaps, like Corrin, she could prove her sincerity over time and effort.

Takumi took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for a daring task. She wondered if she would be asked to leave the castle. But no, if it had been a demand for her to leave, he wouldn't look like this. Nervous. Tense. Worried.

"Marry me."

Azura's heart nearly stopped at that moment. It was a good thing she didn't have a cup of water in her own hand because if she had been holding one, she would have undoubtedly spilled it.

Struck silent with surprise, she missed her chance to speak - to say anything - as Takumi continued speaking.

"The nobles, they're," he paused to scowl, dislike etching his handsome face with lines. "They won't be able to demand you be hurt or imprisoned if you're my wife."

She imagined they were likely demanding much more than what he said, and would have been grateful for his kindness at sparing her the details had her head not been spinning.

He had just asked her to marry him. Her. Him.

It wasn't that she disliked Takumi. Quite the opposite, actually. There was a certain something about him that made it difficult for anyone who knew him to not like him. Once he considered someone in his boundaries he would always be attached, and despite his tough front there was much kindness in his heart. He had been loved and despite his shyness he could love, kindly and wholly.

But Azura had never once dared to even dream, to even imagine. She had never let herself do so because she could not forget who she was in Hoshido. For all that Queen Mikoto treated her like her own daughter, like a princess of Hoshido, no one, including Azura herself, had ever let her forget she was technically a princess of Nohr. She could not hope for more, because what she was being given was already beyond what she deserved.

And yet, just now, Takumi had asked her to marry him.

The temptation to take his offer, to secure a tie for herself in Hoshido was almost overwhelming. Sweet and intoxicating and so very dangerous, Azura could easily - too easily - imagine what it would be like, to be able to say and not just think that Hoshido was truly her home. That she was really, truly, lawfully a part of the family, and no one would be able to say she wasn't.

No more of the harsh looks, the cruel words that were whispered just loud enough to reach her, the silent judgement, the constant appeals to treat her as the prisoner she was or send her away. No more of the disapproval for taking the place of someone who was loved and missed.

To belong.

For a moment she dreamed of a fairy tale and the dream enraptured her, the idea of a happy ending so sweet it was intoxicating.

Dreams, however, always had to make way for reality far too quickly for Azura. The moment of sweetness passed, like sugar on the tongue dissolving and filling the mouth with a bitter aftermath. Disgust at herself washed out the hope like the incoming high tides erased any tracks left on the shore, and she hated herself more than anything in that moment.

And then what? Azura asked herself as reality came crashing down, shattering dreams that were like spun sugar, pretty but oh-so-fragile.

Takumi would be saving her - but by sinking into the figurative mud with her, dragged down by the burden that she was. The disapproval, the hatred that was directed towards her would turn to him. That was what it meant to protect her, to divert some of that hate onto himself. To shield her with his own body, his own reputation, his standing in the royal court - in Hoshido itself.

When they called for her blood they would criticize him. No one would dare call for his head but he and his siblings would be weakened drastically for it. Because of her.

Azura would be his downfall, a swamp that swallowed and extinguished a star.

He didn't deserve that. No one deserved to be saddled with someone like her, not when everything she touched was ruined, but Takumi especially didn't deserve that.

She wanted. She wanted so very much, to be selfish and have something beautiful of her own. To have love and be loved.

But she could not be selfish no matter how much she wanted to.

"It's okay," she replied, grateful for the kindness she could not accept. "I can't ask you to do that."

Takumi protested. "Azura, this is the best way to protect you. I won't- I wouldn't," he took pause, face turning a dark red. "Take advantage of you or anything. I swear by the Dawn Dragon I won't lay a finger on you."

The last words were a harsh whisper, gritted out between teeth clenched with embarrassment, and that sealed it for Azura.

She would not condemn him to a loveless marriage that would damn his existence alongside hers.

"You're kind to say so, Takumi," she said, doing her best to smile. This was a sign that he cared. Not quite the same way she did for him, but her feelings didn't matter here. "But you should marry who you love."

At least, Azura thought he should. Takumi deserved, as did all his siblings, to marry people they loved and were loved by in return. Perhaps it would be hard for them, as royals in times of war, but she prayed to the cruel fates to spare a bit of kindness their way. They had lost so much, surely they could be granted their happiness.

Takumi tried to convince her to change her mind, but had to leave without success when Oboro came with a message from Ryoma. The look of distrust his retainer gave her, even for the slightest second, reassured Azura that her choice had been the right one.

If it hurt, well, her feelings didn't matter.

* * *

AN: written because an anonymous ask on Tumblr inspired me. Titles of story and chapters are from 'Fake Love' by BTS.


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